


Steve Rogers Guide to Being a Superhero's Boyfriend

by Tsuki_Amano



Series: Steve Rogers Guide to Superheroes [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mjolnir - Freeform, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, guide to life, steve is worthy, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:04:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4528380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsuki_Amano/pseuds/Tsuki_Amano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There aren’t too many people who realize just how stressful being a superhero’s boyfriend can be. Oh it’s not all as bad as I’m making it out to be. But it’s not a walk in the park either. I like to think of it as a learning curve. And in my (very, very irregular curve), here are a few things I’ve learnt, which might help anyone else stuck in a sticky situation. </p><p>Also known as the continuation of that superhero AU where Bucky Barnes is a superhero and Steve is his not-so-clueless boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steve Rogers Guide to Being a Superhero's Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note, because I saw this in a bookmark and wanted to get this out there. When I say pre-serum, I am referring primarily to Steve's body stature and possibly his asthma because those are the only two I'd feel competent enough to write. I am not, nor attempting to cover all his ailments, for two reasons. Neither would I be able to accurately represent them all nor would I be feel comfortable attempting to. This is an AU and is meant to be taken as such.

There aren’t too many people who realize just how stressful being a superhero’s boyfriend can be. Most of the time, people imagine that it’s a walk in a park. They see the public image of that hero after all, the brave defender who looks after the city. They see only snippets of what public relations ( _this is the 21 st century after all_) wants them to see. And most of all, they only see what they want to see.

Being a superhero’s significant other isn’t all as exciting as one would imagine. There’s a lot more blood and gravel and cuts and bruises than one would expect. Not to mention the amount of laundry, because let me tell you, when we make our monthly budget, there is literally a heading that says ‘ **Industrial Strength Detergent for Bucky’s clothes**.’

And you can forget about reservations for fancy restaurants. Superheroes tend to have obligations and aliens attacking the city generally warrant immediate attention. Which means that you’re waiting awkwardly in said restaurant wondering if it would be ok for you to at least steal the breadsticks.

Oh it’s not all as bad as I’m making it out to be. But it’s not a walk in the park either. I like to think of it as a learning curve.

And in my ( _very, very irregular curve_ ), here are a few things I’ve learnt, which might help anyone else stuck in a sticky situation. ( _Speaking of sticky situations, if you ever meet any superheroes who name themselves after arachnids, run. Do not ask questions, just run. Because when they try to demonstrate their powers to you, you will end up with mouth full of web and you could have gotten the same results by cleaning the attic. That is not only infinitely less mortifying to explain to anyone, but your boyfriend will probably look less murderous when he hears about what’s happened._ )

  1. **Weird outfits are a thing. Embrace it.**



For the record, I work in a coffee shop next to a college, so I’ve seen some pretty bizarre get-ups. Like the guy who walked around dressed as a pack of French fries for a week.

But superheroes tend to be a bit more… ostentatious… in their dressing sense. See, once upon a time, some poor fool decided that spandex tights and capes were a thing. Now while I have been reliably informed by a certain quick-footed friend that the spandex is to make them more streamlined, I have yet to hear a convincing argument in favour of capes.

You’ll also see diverse footwear ( _stay away from boots and high heels_ ), masks of all sorts ( _do they realize we can still see the majority of their face if they cover only their eyes?_ ), helmets, bows and arrows, sceptres, eye patches and if you’re lucky, hammers.

Subtly reinforce the fact that you fully support their venture into Renaissance fairs/Comic cons/Video games conventions, but it would be really nice if they could at least put their extremely heavy bullet proof vest in the laundry hamper because really, you’re not their personal maid ( _unless you’re into that stuff, because then by all means ignore this._ )

Metal rusts when it oxidizes. This includes metal arms, whether your boyfriend wants to admit to it or not. Stock up on cleaning materials, oil and anything else you might need. Be fully aware that your boyfriend might not like you touching his arm on some days and you need to respect that, but it always helps to keep everything ready so that there are no midnight runs to a gas station for grease. When his arm starts making screeching noises though, it’s probably in your best interest to gently remind him to clean it. Otherwise, be prepared to take an urgent call at work where your boyfriend explains how his hand got stuck in an inappropriate location ( _Not that kind of inappropriate Steve!_ ).

Dislodging metal arms from vending machines because they froze up while reaching for a candy bar that got stuck is really difficult and may require a blowtorch.

It generally makes your boyfriend happier if you pretend to believe that the red stains on his pants are ketchup and not blood, and it’s really quite easy to wash out both.

They all have fantastic hair. This is a thing. Civilians don’t question it.

Finally, when your boyfriend’s friends stop by unexpectedly, try not to ogle at the Thunder God whose single arm is about the size of your chest and could probably snap you like a twig. Because then your boyfriend will get grumpy and whilst he is sulking in the corner, he will forget to tell Thor ( _Thor? Is that his actual name or just his superhero tag?_ ) that he cannot let his cape swoosh everywhere. You will then be left with more than a fair amount of carnage because capes get caught in _everything_.

***Footnote***

When said Thunder God leaves his giant hammer ( _which is named? Bucky have you named any of our inanimate objects because I object you naming the children without my consent_ ) in the hallway, do not pick it up and move it because you need to mop the floor.

This causes a very strange chain reaction among superheroes for some reason which involves much discussions about your ‘ _worthiness_ ’ which you aren’t privy to. Your boyfriend will also cling to you like a koala bear for about a week. Which while adorable makes making a cappuccino difficult.

**Author's Note:**

> I might continue this AU a bit further because I've got a few head canons now I'd like to play with. If anyone has any ideas (or quirks/terrible fails) they've noted in superhero movies, let me know and I'll try and work them into a story.  
> Also, I've decided that in this AU, Steve will never permanently be post-serum, although I've reduced the number of ailments he has.


End file.
